By Jenna Switzer
“Honestly,” he said, looking across the table at me in our favorite coffee shop, “I think this breakup is particularly rough because you are genuinely the best sex I’ve ever had.
With as much humility as possible, he was far from the first partner to tell me that.
And yes — I’m fully aware people say many things in the pursuit of sex.
I also know that being “the best” is wildly subjective.
But even with all of that considered, it still feels good to hear someone say you made them feel deeply desired, connected, and alive.
When I look objectively at my own sex life, there are a few foundational things that consistently create better intimacy.
None are extreme.
None are performative.
But together, they change everything.
The best sex is rarely about performance
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This may sound almost too simple, but many people assume the way they touch, kiss, or move is automatically pleasurable for everyone.
It isn’t. Every body experiences desire differently.
What worked beautifully with one partner may not work at all with another.
Communication during intimacy does not need to feel clinical or awkward.
Small questions often work best:
“Does this feel good?” “More like this?” “Softer?” “Do you want more?”
Outside the bedroom, conversations matter too.
Saying:
“I loved when you touched my thighs last night.”
can become a form of foreplay itself. Anticipation is intimacy.
Paying attention is one of the sexiest things a person can do.
Show Your Enthusiasm
Enthusiasm creates emotional permission.
When someone feels your enjoyment, they often relax deeper into their own pleasure too.
Desire feeds desire.
Verbal affirmation can be powerful:
“That feels so good.” “Yes, more like that.” “Don’t stop.”
But enthusiasm is not only verbal.
Breathing changes. Eye contact changes. Movement changes.
A small glance, a soft sound, a subtle shift in your body — all of these communicate presence and desire.
You do not need to perform pleasure loudly for it to be felt deeply.
Sometimes softness is far more intimate.
Desire becomes magnetic when it feels genuine.
Understand Your Own Pleasure
Knowing your own body is one of the most important parts of connected intimacy.
Pleasure becomes easier to communicate when you understand what actually feels good to you.
This is one reason solo exploration matters.
It allows you to discover:
what relaxes you, what excites you, what turns you on emotionally
what kind of touch your body responds to
Self-awareness creates better connection.
And confidence rooted in self-knowledge is deeply attractive.
Use Your Breath
Breath affects nearly every part of your body — including
pleasure.
Many people unconsciously hold their breath during intimacy,
especially when sensation becomes intense.
But deeper breathing often creates deeper sensation.
Slow, full breaths help the body relax into arousal rather than resist it.
Breathing also affects emotional connection.
Partners naturally begin mirroring each other’s rhythm, energy, and pace.
Sometimes intimacy becomes more powerful simply because both people slow down enough to actually feel it.
This list is far from exhaustive.
But mastering these foundational practices can completely shift the quality of intimacy you experience.
Great sex is rarely about perfection.
It’s about connection. Presence. Curiosity. Attention.
Whether you are in a long-term relationship, casually dating, or exploring new experiences entirely, these small shifts can create much deeper intimacy for everyone involved.
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